Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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