My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
