I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
