I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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