im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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