Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
