Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
