I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
