The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Randomize
