All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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