I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
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