but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Randomize
