Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
