He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
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