return my video game
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
