When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
