Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
