just come out here and I will go home with you...
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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