The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
