perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
