The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
This is my gift to your gina
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
