new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
