Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
you mean i was at the winter classic?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
