Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
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So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
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We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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