Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
