direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
We had to coat check the pizza.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
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