Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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