need another drink. this is the easiest way
My liver just broke up with me...
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
