I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
