my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
