I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
