idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
