Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
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