you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
