actually, I'm a sock model
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
