We named our party play list daddy issues
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
