So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
