you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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