He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
