cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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