She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
MIDGETS
????
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
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