When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
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