Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
