Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
