Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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