Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
