Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
