so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Soap is not a condiment
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize