May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
