Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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