The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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