Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
