Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I stole a fireplace last night.
The air was thick with penises
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize