You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
organizing the empties. That sober.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
