ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
