I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
