you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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