we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
