I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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