Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
