Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Randomize
