while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
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