turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Randomize
