my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
