He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
